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Unkle Munky Pg 98
Sunky would like to make it clear that the Munky’s primitive opinions are not necessarily a reflection of his own… primitive opinions. ---- This week Munky is changing... his pants. Artist - Mattafix. Song - Things Have Changed. *Click here to play... *Videos prone to removal. ---- It's a Miracle... Ian Walker (solicitor) says - Dear Unkle Munky, I have been instructed by my client (Ms. Tracey Farnham) to proceed with legal actions against your good self with regards to an inadequate suggestion that you made in March of this year. Unkle Munky says -''' Eh? Inadequate suggestion? What did I say? Ian Walker replies - Apparently you suggested that my client's bladder leakage problem could be cured by sprinkling her pants with 'Miracle Grow Moisture Control'. Staff at Miracle Grow have confirmed my suspicions and say that said product is only to be used in a horticultural setting! 'Unkle Munky adds -' Oh bollocks! ---- Royal News... Bungle Bear. Munky News. Insulting the Royals. ---- Munky Deals with the Future. Cindy from Eaton asks - Dear Unkle Munky, Did you receive my letter regarding how automation in the workplace might have a negative affect on my career? 'Unkle Munky says -' Dear Cindy, I did indeed receive said correspondence. It is with some confidence that I am able to appease your worries regarding this matter. After all, technology has a long way to go before robotic lap dancing becomes the norm. ---- Sex Talk. Michael from Moseley asks - Dear Unkle Munky, My girlfriend and I are hoping to consummate our relationship tonight. With this in mind I was wondering what CD I should play in the background? 'Unkle Munky says -' Dear Michael, I can heartily recommend Blur's 'Song 2'. Michael replies - But said track is only two minutes long, Unkle Munky? 'Unkle Munky says -' Yes, exactly! You'll even have time for a quick fag when you've finished. Good times! ---- BBN Bungle Bear. Barely News. Contemplating flapjacks. ---- Clowning Around. Simon from Weymouth asks - Dear Unkle Munky, Did you receive my letter about the recent accusations made against me? 'Unkle Munky says -' Dear Simon, 'Wasting police time' is a very serious offence. It would appear from your sketch, however, that you were merely attempting to illustrate your assailant's disguise. Simon replies - Disguise? I was simply told to do a sketch, Unkle Munky. No one said that it had to look like the bank robber? I just like painting clowns. 'Unkle Munky says -' Oh fer fuck's sake! Wasting a Munky's time is pretty bloody serious too, Simon! Good day! ''Oh my god! I think I know who it is, Unkle Munky.'' 'Unkle Munky sighs -' Oh fer god's sake. ---- Even More Confused... Derek from Northbridge asks - Dear Unkle Munky, I am about to insure my Ford Bollock over the internet but am confused by the numerous price comparison websites. Which one do I use? 'Unkle Munky says -' Dear Derek, I have long suspected that these 'so called' price comparison websites serve only to fuel a general sense of mass bewilderment. With this in mind I am currently working on my own 'Price comparison-comparison' website. Confused dot com? You soon will be. ---- Sprained Wrist Query. Stephen from Cheshire asks - Dear Unkle Munky, When can I expect a final judgement on my sprained wrist claim? 'Unkle Munky says -' Dear Stephen, I fear that you may have confused the concept of an LCD television with that of an LCD watch. Attempting to strap a forty-two inch screen to your wrist is simply asking for trouble. I would suggest that the only claim open to you, on this occasion, is one of gross stupidity. Good day! ---- More from Bungle's Barely News... Bungle Bear for Bungle's Barely News, feeling a bit put out. ---- Crimewatch UK. Linda from Maydown asks - Dear Unkle Munky, I recently made my acting debut in a crime reconstruction video for the local police. I would be interested to hear of your views so that I can totally ignore them. 'Unkle Munky says -' Dear Linda, I am rather dubious as to whether any positive outcome will prevail with regards to said reconstruction. After all, no one dresses like that these days! Linda replies, Just as I thought... Completely useless. Thanks Munky. ---- Public Information with Amy Knitwear. 'Unkle Munky says -' Ahem. ---- Advertisement. '''New Moisture Control from Miracle Gro. ---- Next... Previous... Munky's Memos... Return to Munky Menu...